Tag Archive: Links

Also this (suuuuuuuuch a big deal, go read it all): “If you have shamed something in yourself – like a normal need for intimacy – so early and so completely that you don’t even notice you are doing it, you will interpret that same need as shameful when you see it in others.”

Dating Tips for the Feminist Man

The opposite of masculine rape culture is masculine nurturance culture: men* increasing their capacity to nurture, and becoming whole.

The Ghomeshi trial is back in the news, and it brings violent sexual assault back into people’s minds and daily conversations. Of course violence is wrong, even when the court system for handling it is a disaster. That part seems evident. Triggering, but evident.

But there is a bigger picture here. I am struggling to see the full shape emerging in the pencil rubbing, when only parts are visible at a time.

A meme going around says ‘Rape is about violence, not sex. If someone were to hit you with a spade, you wouldn’t call it gardening.’ And this is true. But it is just the surface of the truth. The depths say something more, something about violence.

Violence is nurturance turned backwards.

These things are connected, they must be connected. Violence and nurturance are two sides of the same coin. I…

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Someone I still love did this to me.

Dating Tips for the Feminist Man

There are two kinds of boundary violations: overt and covert.

We know a lot about one half of boundary violations: the kind acted out in an anxious way.

This first kind of boundary violation is hopefully already obvious. This is when you say no, or are unable to consent, and someone goes ahead and touches you anyway. This is the kind of boundary violation that occurs when someone touches your body when you are drunk, or are unconscious, or are drugged, or do not say an enthusiastic yes, or your body language communicates trauma, fear or hesitation and someone goes ahead anyway.

It is the kind of boundary violation when men insist that we smile for them on the street, or smile before they will give us our food at a restaurant, or when they insist we talk to them and placate them and flirt with them when…

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Hey folks.
So someone tossed up a beautiful piece of piercing performance on twitter today, and it reminded me of the thrill of threading sharp objects through other people’s bodies. The kind of rush you get – or at least that I get – from doing that is a bit of a trip. I need to be careful about shaking hands. It makes my stomach lurch the way too much rich food, too fast, will make my stomach lurch (advice I need to take: Remember to pace yourself as a top – get your breath back under you before you drive that next spike in…). But the payoff, when your Person goes Under, when her breath deepens and her body turns liquid-boneless in your arms… Guh.
I want it.
I want more.
To that end, I’m just going to drop these three little videos (neither by me in any way, shape, or form) here for future reference. None of them are how-to videos, I don’t think. But they’re worth a look, none the less.



Ms Syren.

Hey, folks.
So Parliament is going into (I think) Reading #2 of Bill C-51, the so-called “Anti-Terrorist Act”, which proposes a bunch of heavy-duty changes to Canadian law and to our national security infrastructure. A lot of these changes would negatively effect the rights and freedoms of Canadians (which is bad enough, honestly, BUT there’s more) without any sort of follow-through in terms of actually improving public safety (in fact, there’s a been a few annalysts who’ve pointed out the ways in which it does the opposite – give this a read for those details). This article breaks it down. If you’re hazy on the details of what the bill actually does, or are looking for a quick reference to use while composing a letter to your MP (or ALL the MPs, for that matter), I suggest that you give it a read. NOTE: You can also check out this Storify which has LOTS of links and information on the bill.
If you’re in Ottawa, you may want to participate in the Day of Action to Stop Bill C-51 as well. Click on that link to find events happening this Saturday (the Day of Action in question), as well as related events happening through the month of March.
Please do what you can to stop this bill in its tracks.
Thank you.
Ms Syren.

Hey there, everybody.
So this morning was full of a twitter discussion about what meds are contraindicated for Grapefruit (juice, but also the whole fruit). Pyke Barber dug up this handy list which, if you are on Anti-Depresants or Hormone Replacements of any kind (but also potentially a bunch of other meds that effect your brain) you should probably double-check about, if you don’t already know:
Grapefruit Effectiveness, Safety and Drug Interactions (RxList)
Other links of note:
Sophia Banks has this article about C279 and State-Sanctioned (and Perpetuated) Violence Against Trans Folks (esp Women).
Here’s an article from Xtra pertaining to C279 that you may want to check out (if you want to read all the hateful shit that comes out of Don Plett’s damn mouth, anyway…) and another one from HuffPo (that is slightly less awful to get through). Amnesty International is deeply unimpressed.
On a Sucktastically related note:
Sumaya Ysl, a black, trans, ballroom dancer from Toronto, was found dead last Sunday morning after being seen fleeing a man the night before.
If you are a writer of a womanly persuasion, you might considering submitting something to Bitch Magazine‘s “Blood and Guts” issue. Perhaps someone who knew Sumaya would like to submit a piece on intersectional violence? Maybe?
Eugh. And, this-just-in: Her Name was Melonie – Another Trans WoC Has Committed Suicide.
FFS. Hey, cis people, maybe we can all email Don Plett (again…) and tell him off for his abject failure to protect women and kids from violence? Let’s do that.
Note: When you email him? You’re going to get a shitty, condescending, mansplainy piece of bullshit back for your efforts. Do it anyway. What a hateful man. 😦

Okay, folks.
So Janani Balasubramanian has a post up at Black Girl Dangerous offering nine strategies for non-oppressive polyamoury.
A lot of it is pretty common-sense, basic courtesy stuff like (A) Don’t introduce your date as “So-and-so, she’s [oppressed minority]”, or (B) Recognize that your Secondary Partners aren’t less important as people, that their feelings aren’t less important to take into consideration, it’s just they just get less of your time, energy, and attention and, likewise, you get less of theirs.
Some of it is stuff that I only semi-agree with. Like the idea that dating five [x type of privileged] people all at once isn’t necessarily a radical act all by iteself… I find myself asking “Why not?” I mean, I get that – in the same way that you (and everybody else) exists at an intersection of multiple oppressions & stigmas AND multiple privileges – it’s possible to do something politically radical while also having other Stuff you need to examine, unpack and fix about yourself. But why is dating a bunch of people ethically and openly and considerately – which (I hope!) is what poly folks are generally striving for – why is that not a radical act when we’re part of a culture that treats dating multiple people at once as childish and/or doomed to failure[1]?
And some of it is stuff that I think is really important to remember – like the bit about, if you frequently date people from [x oppressed group that you aren’t part of], it’s important to remember that, specifically because you’re not part of X group, you’ve got privileges – around things like cultural beauty standards, for example – that are going to effect the (invisible/unspoken/involuntary) power dynamics in your relationship(s).
I think you should all go and check it out. 🙂
Ms Syren.
[1] To offer a related (ish?) example. Having been married twice, it feels SO DIFFERENT to identify as “somebody’s wife” when I’m the wife of another woman than when I was married to a man the first time around. My wife (MY WIFE!) gave a talk at a huge physicians’ conference in Quebec City not that long ago, and her name tag read Mrs Ghost. She explained to her (het) co-facilitator that, while co-facil might go out of her way to avoid being Mrs (as opposed to Dr, which she also is), for my wife the claiming of, and insistance upon, the title of “Mrs” in an extremely heteronormative space was, for her as a queer chick, a radical act of forcing The Majority to take her relationship (and her gender, and her spouse’s gender) seriously and to challenge them to recognize all of the above as legitimate. I think that insisting The Majority take your multiple open relationships seriously and to understand them as legitimate is also a radical act. But I get that it’s a lot less radical when you insist that all of your non-married-to-you partners stay in the Dirty Little Secret Closet when you’re around your co-workers or your relatives.

First up:
If you would like to support people arrested in Ferguson, please donate here.
If you would like to support sexworkers’ fight to get Bill C-36 struck from the books as soon as possible on the grounds of its blatant unconstitutionality, please donate here.
If you would like to support Indiginous people fighting legal battles against Kinder Morgan and the proposed pipeline through Burnaby Mountain, please donate here (this one’s not an indiegogo campaign).
New Brunswick abortion restriction lifted by Premier Brian Gallant – Hurrah! 😀
A Variety of Posts Relating To Sexwork:
Bill C-36’s negative impact on racialized and migrant sex workers.
Remembering Stone Butch Blues‘ Pledge to Sexworkers.
Why Feminism Needs Sex Workers and Trans People.
On a completely different note, you can find music by awesome pianist & musicologist Dana Baitz here (music compilation ft all trans performers), here (lgbt spoken word), and here (Dana’s reverbnation page). Enjoy!

So, you may have come across news of this situation in Nigeria already. The situation is that 234 girls were kidnapped from their school, where they were sitting their physics exam, and their government is doing fuck-all to even look for them.
There’s a petition to be signed, here, in the hopes of internationally embarassing the Nigerian government into trying to find them.
You can sign that petition, tweet about the situation using hashtags like #helpthegirls and #bringbackourdaughters, and contacting Joy Uche Angela Ogwu (Permanent Secretary of Nigeria to the UN) – I think your best bet for that is to write to ogwu [at] un [dot] org, but I’m not sure. CCing your letter to womenwatch [at] unwomen [dot] org isn’t going to hurt and you could also try CCing the Office of the United Nations High Commissioner for Human Rights (OHCHR) at civilsociety [at] ohchr [dot] org, nationalinstitutions [at] ohchr [dot] org and vstefanov [at] ohchr [dot] org (that last is for Vladlen Stefanov, Chief of the National Institutions and Regional Mechanisms Section).
All that being said, I’m writing this in Canada, and we have a pretty awful track record, over the past 20 years or so, with regards to not looking for missing women in our own country. To that end, I’m also directing to you this petition calling for a national Inquiry into missing and murdered Indiginous women and girls here because we really freaking need one.
In addition to signing that petition, you can also contact the Ministers for Status of Women and Aboriginal Affairs and Nothern Development directly (links go to contact information, including email), and/or get in touch with Guillermo Enrique Rishchynski Oller (either Rishchynski-Oller [at] un [dot] org OR possibly oller [at] un [dot] org) witha CC to the same folks at the UN office of Human Rights (see above). You can also tweet about using hastags like #mmiw, #nationalinquiry, and #canpoli.
Thanks folks,
Ms Syren.

I wrote a little bit about my experience at Reading Out Loud over on my writer blog. But, for those who were wondering, I thought I’d post this information here:
When I introduced my pieces, I explained that I came out twice. Once as bisexual, while being a goth chickie in my teens (seriously, no big thing), and again, about ten years later, as a het-married gal who was poly, kinky, and still bisexual but a lot gayer than I’d originally thought. The pieces I performed were all from books that I read during 2007-2008, books that gave me language to talk about myself, and books that showed my my own reflection at a time when I badly needed to see my own face in the pages.
I read from works by two authors, both of whom are also bisexual, kinky, poly, and femme. Like me.
Here’s what I read at Reading Out Loud:
Femme: Feminists, Lesbians and Bad Girls
“On Being a Bisexual Femme” By Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha – under the name Leah Lilith Albrecht-Samarasinha
(Femme hunger; “I must choose who I lie down with very carefully”)
Brazen Femme: Queering Femininity
“Whores and Bitches Who Sleep with Women” by Kathryn Payne
(“Do you know your lineage?”)
“Gonna Get my Girl Body Back” This is a Work in Progress” by Leah Lakshmi
(“I take one step past what I know”)
Longing at Least Is Constant by Kathryn Payne (poetry)
(“Why do I have to write it? / […] / To laugh, yell, and taste it all”)

Just wanting to link this here. Ottawa didn’t, to my knowledge, have a rally outside either the Swedish or the Turkish embasy last Friday, but POWER did send off two formal letters the the respective ambassadors of those coutries.
Friday, July 19th, 2013
Attn: His Excellency Tuncay Babalı, Ambassador of Turkey
Re: The murder of Dora Özer


Friday, July 19th, 2013
Attn: His Excellency Teppo Tauriainen, Ambassador of Sweden
Re: The murder of Petite Jasmine

Ms Syren.