So, I’m trying this Kink of the Week thing, and playing catch-up (the rate of posting will slow again, once I’m a bit more caught up, since the prompts come roughly every two weeks). Right now, we’re talking (briefly) about Dirty Talk.
“Dirty Talk”, to me, has a couple of different connotations. On the one hand, a lot of the time, “dirty talk” just seems to be “use your words” with a bit of a hook in it. I’ve been writing porn for going on ten years now. Not great porn, most of it, but porn none the less. So I’ve… mostly got the hang of saying what I want, shyness and fears of rejection notwithstanding. And that’s all it is, I think. Naming things. Nouns and verbs that aren’t clinical. That can be giggled and whispered and growled and breathed into someone else’s skin.
Other times, “dirty talk” is a means to check in with, or acknowledge(?), your lover in the moment. It’s like… I like being able to use the right words. It’s nice to be able to say “I want to lick you all over” because it means I can voice my own desires. But saying “I want to suck on your tits” to a woman who’s flat-chested at 28 or 40, that’s nice, yes, for the same reasons, but also because it lets your girlfriend know you’re seeing her properly. I fyou’re with someone new, or someone with a lot of body insecurity, that can matter a lot. Likewise, being able to confer with your partner during an S/M scene – not even necessarily a role-playing thing – without breaking the mood, that matters, too, although it definitely doesn’t always go the way you’re expecting. (I once asked a friend, who’d been clinging to me like a koala bear and into whose ribs I’d been digging my knuckles, if she was going to cry for me. And she responded quite matter-of-factly that she had no idea. You kind of need to be able to roll with it, basically).
But, while I think that – in the broad sense – the term “dirty talk” can encompass all of that… It’s not what I personally tend to associate with the phrase. Rather, and possibly unfortunately, I tend to associate the term “dirty talk” with a sort of “come on my face” kind of thing where there’s humiliation play involved. And I’m not into that. Not into shaming or belittling my partner, and definitely not into being called mean names or laughed at when I’m the one on the bottom.
Sorry kids. Just not my thing.
Kink of the Week
Ms Syren.