This morning I asked my wife/property how she’d feel if there was someone else who occasionally sat at my feet.
She said she’d be fine with it.
FYI, there’s nobody on the horizon. That’s part of why I asked.
I’ve spent a good six-and-a-bit years identifying as poly without dating multiple people at the same time. And now I’m starting to look at people with an eye to something other than friendship. Even if it’s just friends-who-have-a-twice-a-year-date-ship or something. I’m trying to think through – because I am thinky, and I tend to overthink things in an effort to prepare well enough not to screw something up – how I would handle things like:
1) Having a casual sweetie in a different city
2) Dating anybody who isn’t my wife
3) Sleepovers, if they happened (At my house? At hers? How would we schedule things?)
And asking myself stuff like:
4) Could you date someone who had a young child, or who was actively pursuing parenthood[A]?
5) If yes, how would you handle this, given your child-free life? Would it even be (much of) an issue, depending on the nature of the relationship?
6) How will you balance two+ partners when one of them lives with you full time? How will you sort out stuff like travel if one of them lives in a different town?
7) How will you guard your heart enough to survive missing someone who’s far away most of the time, while still opening it enough to bother having a relationship in the first place?
Yeah. It’s #7 that’s really the kicker. So much fear about even trying to step out onto this limb, even hypothetically, knowing that if I fall, I’ll be pulling multiple hearts down with me. :-\
Mellodramatic? You bet. I’m a ball of poly drama all by myself. 😉
Ms Syren.
[A] Full disclosure, this isn’t just about romantic stuff. I mean, yes, I’ve developed silly, from-afar crushes on at least two moms in the past 11 months, BUT (maybe it’s because I’m 35?) a lot of my friends have kids now, plus my sister’s due to have a baby in March and – unlike my brother-in-law and his two kids – she’s actually likely to bring said child to Ottawa. The possibility that I might need to even marginally child-proof this house (gods help me…) is starting to loom large in my mind. Dammit. :-\