So, my lovely wife/Property and I do a yoga class together on Wednesday nights. It’s an easy walk from our house, and gives us something approximating a Date Night once a week. As we were walking over, we were joking about the number of Significant Others she has and how that makes scheduling Interesting fairly frequently. And we ran down the different ways of naming those relationships, and the discussion, however light-hearted, got me thinking about different shades of intimacy. How an “intimate friendship” isn’t the same as a “friend with benefits”, for example, or how a “girlfriend” might have fewer social responsibilities expected of her than a “partner” or a “spouse”. Or not.
What I was thinking is that, when your relationship style allows for more than one romantic relationship, it also allows for those many degrees of intimacy between “just friends” and “dating”.
When I decided I needed to be polyamourous (or practice consensual non-monogamy, term it how you will), it was because I felt that I had to be extremely careful about how and to-whom I showed affection to people other than my then-husband (some of that, admittedly, was because of the kind of marriage it was, but still). When romantic fidelity isn’t tied to romantic excusivity, there stops (for me at least) being a need to put super-firm walls around what friends can do with each other or mean to each other.
This isn’t much of a post, I realize. I’m mostly just thinking out loud. While I do still struggle, on occasion, with worries (however unfounded, I know) about my own place in my wife’s busy, busy life, it’s still really nice to know that there can be that fuidity going on.
I think that’s it for now.
Ms Syren.