No one has lost an eye.
I feel a need to poijnt that out right up front.

I seem to have lost my sadism. Or at least it seems to have curled up in a box somewhere and gone to sleep while the rest of me hunts for it with increasing anxiety, resentment, and frustration.

I rmeember reading a book – either Midori’s Wild Side Sex: The Book of Kink, or possibly Sue Johnson’s Hold Me Tight – that included an essay about “getting your groove back” from a kink perspective and the fears that can tangle you up to the point where said groove needs retrieving. (Those books are quite different, by the way — the first one is essays about S/M, fetishes, D/s (to a point), and other kinky things; while the second is about intimate partnership bonds from a perspective that has nothing to do with the “risk/reward annalysis that so many shrinks have assumed adults use in forming relationships with each other. They’re both, in one way or another, advice books, and they’re both good reads).

I’ve spent a year trying to up my game – or life – so that I’m running my submissive effectively and consistently.
In that time, my relationship with Ghost has deepened on a number of levels – I collared her, we moved in together, we worked our way through an unexpectedly stressful Poly Situation, my sister keeps eye-balling the ring on left finger and Asking Questions we’re not quite ready to answer yet. That sort of thing.
We’re that much more emotionally invested with each other and our relationship.

Which is awesome.
But it also means that, if I get sadistic with her – in a big way, not the little ways that are just part-and-parcel of hot sex for us – I’m putting that much more at risk, and lose that much more if I fuck up.
Which makes for a lot of hesitancy on my part when it comes to actually getting out the crop or the cain or the needles or whatever. (That’s not all of it – she’s got pretty chronic aches and pains going on, and both of us are working long days, but those are things that are easier to work around. We can schedule a date, right?)

So. My girl is hungry for a scene – a real one, where the primary focus is pain play, not sex play – and I want to give her one.

As such, I’m putting it to you, readers: How the hell do I put my damn nerves on a shelf and have some fun with my girlfriend? Is it just a case of fake-it-til-you-make-it, or what?

Suggestions welcome.

Ms Syren.