I saw this question posted (retweeted) from somewhere on Twitter a week or so ago, and I’ve been meaning to talk about it.

You see this kind of question pop up a lot in various ways – replace “sex worker” with “trans woman” or “bisexual” or “socialist” or whatever and you still have basically the same question, which always reads to me like “Would you date [insert subsection of humanity that I, the asker, can’t imagine anyone (normal) wanting to date]? Be honest. I want you to confirm my prejudices and/or titilate me with your bizarre sexual proclivities”.

Because you don’t typically see people asking “Would you date an electrician/admin assistant/high-school teacher/dentist? Why or why not? Be honest. I’m curious.”
Because none of those professions comes with an entire baggage-train of social stigmas that presume the people working in those fields are sub-standard, or even sub-human – that they can’t have relationships due to the type of work they do: No one says things like “Are you sure you want to have kids with Susanne? I mean, she is a kindergarten teacher. She nurtures and cares for, what, 20-30 other children, every day? Professionally? Aren’t you afraid she won’t bond with her own kids when she has to do it for free? I mean, I’m sure she’s perfectly nice, but… are you sure you can trust her?”

There’s this assumption that sex workers are either un-fuckable or ONLY fuckable, and that, either way, they aren’t capable of personal romantic intimacy when they spend their working hours doing romantic intimacy professionally.

This is, of course, complete garbage.

I mean, part of me is glad that people are asking that question – because, even when it’s a rude-ass question, at least it’s being asked, as in people aren’t just going “Well, obviously nobody would ever…”
Granted, I’m hesitant to think of that as “progress”.

Look. Once upon a time, I did a performance at a show called Radical Vulvas. I performed a 10-minute piece comprised entirely of vignettes regarding my experiences dating a sex worker.
I wrote the piece because I wanted to show, explicitely, that dating a sexworker isn’t all that different from dating an electrician/admin assistant/high-school teacher/dentist. Did her job sometimes “get in the way”? Sure. But sometimes my current partner’s job “gets in the way” because she comes home from the job-site tired, aching, and occasionally injurred and that means that anything physical – from sex to carrying out the trash – has to wait on some recovery time. Sometimes my job “gets in the way” because I’m trying to meet a porn-manuscript deadline and don’t have time to actually have sex with my partner, or because I’ve come home from a shoot or a reading feeling All Peopled Out, a situation which can leave me grumpy and withdrawn rather than interested in conversation or companionship.

People are more than their jobs. FFS.

Anyway. That’s my margianlly-formed thought for the moment.

Ms Syren.