Oh, Neil… How do you always know what to say?
(Oh, wait…)

Neil Gaiman’s New Year’s Wish on the eve of 2012 encourages us to make mistakes because, if we’re making mistakes, it means we’re trying new things, making new things, and stepping into the unknown and untried.
Being willing to make mistakes – and, ideally, to learn from them – means being brave enough to try something you aren’t already good at.

I am, of course, terrified of fucking up. I’ve got decades of baggage (it feels like I’m carrying a huge bundle of fire-wood that I would be better off setting down right now and burning, honestly but – just to stretch the metaphore – I’m afraid it’s going to suddenly get cold again and I’ll need it later on) telling me that, for various reasons having – for the most part – to do with fear of loss and/or retaliation, I’m not allowed to Try Something New unless I’m already good enough at it to be passably reasonable. Not perfect, okay, but close-enough that getting perfect (or perfect-in-the-eyes-of-random-bystanders at any rate) is an atainable and sustainable goal.

Which, no kidding, is a silly way to think about things.

Moving forward in 2012, there are a lot of things I want to explore and develop — my modeling career, my writing, my outreach work, and – big surprise – my dynamic with Ghost.

On the subject of that last one: I’m wanting to go deeper in my dynamic with Ghost – although at this point in the year, I don’t actually know what “deeper” means from my own (domme) perspective. Most likely I’ll be hashing some of that out on this blog. Things like “What would I put in a contract?”; “Where does the ‘control’ aspect of my dominance live?”; “What does ‘entitlement’ look like from a ‘service-oriented/receptive’ dominant perspective?”; “What does ‘service-oriented dominance’ mean?” and “How is ‘service-oriented dominance’ different from, or the same as, ‘service-receptive dominance’?” Stuff like that.
Chances are good that, as I try to do this – not the hashing out, not the theoretical stuff, but the actual activities and expectations that I put into practice as I (try to) push our dynamic further and deeper – I am going to make a few mistakes.
Maybe a lot of mistakes (although I hope not).

Here’s hoping that I can keep Neil’s words in mind if (when?) those mistakes crop up: I’m trying something new. I’m being brave. I’m allowed to mess up in the process as long as I can learn from it when I do.

Here’s hoping 2012 goes well.

TTFN,
Ms Syren.