So it’s been a bit of a struggle of late. My Ghost has been sick and, consequently, run down, and I’ve been running my ass off with half a dozen different things that have been keeping me out of the house when I’d have rather been home and scribbling.
None the less, yesterday was a really good day, so I thought I’d talk about it and break down what made it so good.

I mean, yes, there were the couple-y things that went on – slow, lazy waking up; finally getting to do some S/M[1] with each other and having a good fuck[2]; running errands; reading Kushiel’s Dart aloud while curled up on the couch together; that kind of thing. And those were all lovely. But there was also this:

Ghost did the dishes while I worked on jewelry. She tidied and dusted the living room while I dyed my hair. I told her I wanted her to give me a facial-extraction and she broke out her new massage table and did it[3]. And she was able to do this while (a) working with minimal available energy and (b) while also having the chance to talk to her Other People and have some time to doodle around and have some self-time as well.

I’m not the kind of domme who likes to micro-manage. I’m the kind of domme who likes to be worshiped and attended-to and generally waited upon hand and foot. Scheduling things tightly, getting on my servant’s case, having to poke and prod… that stuff tends to make me feel like I’m the servant, not the master (possibly because it’s the kind of stuff – calendar-management, for example – that I do in most of my low-paying, “disposable-employee” type temp jobs).
Having to ask for help[4] leaves me feeling powerless, whereas, when the Auto-Magical Cleaning Fairy turns up and gives me a shiny, shiny floor or kitchen or bathroom on the regular, I actually feel empowered (in the same way that a boss typically doesn’t have to say “I want you to pick up and sort the mail” more than once, at the outset, for it to get done every single day), and it makes it easier for me to tap into my own sense of entitlement and throw some me-me-me stuff (the kinds of things I typically relegate to the bottom of the hierarchy of items-to-do) into how I make use of my girl[5].

Yesterday was as phenomenal as it was in large part because it showed me that What I Want is actually possible. It’s actually possible for me to have attention lavished upon me (in various ways) by my servant, and for her to (a) not be totally drained by this AND (b) keep the house in order AND (c) have some time to spend on herself as well.

Now, granted, yesterday was also a Saturday where we’d intentionally not scheduled anything in the way of Commitments. So figuring out how to keep this as the norm while still covering off her full-time day-job and the various community commitments that she has going on… that is still very much a challenge for me. (One we’ve been talking about this evening, as it happens). But I’m awfully glad to know that it can be done.

On a related but different note:
Something I’ve learned: I’m totally and utterly okay[6] and, in fact, really happy when my Ghost’s Down-Time Activities are simultaneously (a) things that give her a creative outlet, intellectual practice or similar, (b) give her a means of relaxation and make her happy in the process, AND (c) contribute in some (fairly direct) way to benefiting me as well. Sitting for half an hour and reading a book on massage techniques fits this bill. Doing leather-care fits this bill. Building me an earring tree out of copper wire fits this bill.
I’m not sure what else falls into this category, but those are three things that do.

Anyway. That’s where I’m at right now.

Ms Syren.

[1] No, really. It’s been ages and we’ve both been missing it.

[2] This, too. I feel… re-calibrated, or like I’ve got my balance back after a long time of feeling slightly “off”. It’s such a relief.

[3] Which, fyi, also helped to get me re-calibrated. It was like getting my touch-bank filled up again. It was great!

[4] For a given value of “help”. Having to say “can you do the dishes tonight” when the expectation is that she does the dishes every night… means that something is up enough that this is no-longer a given. At which-point something in my up-bringing takes over and I feel like I should just be doing it myself. Which I hate. Etc.

[5] Okay, Caveate: When I’m digging into my own entitlement and throwing me-me-me stuff on The List, I do need to be aware of her energy-levels and so-on. (Case in point: Today, in light of both (a) her being on the mend and needing to be gentle with herself, and (b) this needing to be done sooner rather than later, I’m having her do some leather-care because it’s something she can do sitting down and which won’t take it out of her too much).

[6] By-which I mean “feel like all goals are being met”.