Disclaimer: I really am just starting to understand this. Honestly. For many of you, this will be a HUGE no-brainer.
Bear with me.

Yesterday, I did the dishes.

I haven’t done my own dishes – beyond rinsing the odd measuring spoon or mug that I wanted to re-use right then – in very nearly two years. That’s my Ghost’s Job.

I did them yesterday because I knew my Ghost was exhausted – due, in no small part, to dealing with me and my Emotional Crap, I might add – and because I didn’t want her to be More Exhausted (on a night when we’d be spending most of the evening visiting the love-nest of some recently-married friends, the day before she had to leave town to go visit her own submissive in another city) due to having to clean up after my afternoon worth of making grape jelly (from neighbourhood grapes, no less!) – A rather messy endeavor at the best of times.

And today I spent a good chunk of the morning packing Ghost’s overnight bag for her trip.

And I find myself wanting to Talk About Stuff. Specifically, I want to talk about something I’ve kind of struggled with and fluttered over for the past age and a half.

Action versus Intention.

See, for the longest time, I’ve wondered (fretted) to myself about things like:
If I do the vacuuming, and she makes the money; if I’m running her a hot bath, rubbing her feet, and/or making her tea when she’s had a hard day; am I still the domme in this relationship?
Am I taking away her Job and telling her, on some level, that I don’t believe her capable of doing said Job, if I do the dishes or clean the bathroom or sweep the floor or otherwise Deal With The House Work?

In both instances, I was reading “domme” and “sub” as being about who does what tasks around the house.

Painfully Obvious Socio-Cultural Analysis aside, it’s not actually about that. Not in D/s anyway.

So today, when I found myself deciding “I’m going to pack Ghost’s bag today”, I asked myself Why. Yes, she wants to get out of town in fairly short order once she’s done her work-day and, yes, shoving a couple of t-shirts and some clean underwear in an overnight bag for her will help her achieve that goal.


The actual reasons behind why I’m doing this run much closer to “reminder of dynamic” than they do to “helpful sweetheart”.

I want her to spend her weekend with her submissive being aware, on a level that I am controlling (in addition to the level that always there anyway), that she’s my servant, that she’s my property. And I’m doing this by deciding what she’s going to look like (which clothes she’ll be wearing, which jewelry she’ll have available, etc) while she’s off occupying her own Domme Mode without me there to balance and anchor her with actual physical presence. (Sort of “collar + 1”, maybe?)

If Ghost were packing my bag for me, she’d most likely be working off a list that I’d made her, detailing what I wanted in my bag – but, even if she weren’t working from a list of specifics that I’d given her, she’d be working from a desire to show me that she knows my needs and preferences well enough to select Exactly the Right Things for whatever event I was attending. That attitude confirms my place in our dynamic for me, and reminds me that, as my servant, she wants to make me happy and to ensure that I’m well-taken-care-of.
Which is pretty awesome.

Basically, what I’m getting at is that even when the action is the same – doing dishes, packing a suitcase, running a bath – the motivation is coming from a different angle.

As a rather insecure domme, it’s sometimes hard for me to remember that, that the reasons I have for doing something for my Ghost – while probably just as altruistic as hers are – are going to be different in flavour from the reasons she has for doing things for me.

Anyway. That’s what I’ve been thinking about today.

Ms Syren.