“All women are goddesses”.

 

It’s a term that comes up in Goddess Spirituality for some fairly obvious reasons, but it also crops up in  some areas of the kink community.  Typically in a hetero paradigm where Girls rule and boys (voluntarily) drool And That Is The Way Of The World.

 

One of the (stupid, unhelpful, ineffective, self-destructive) life-lessons I’ve internalized is: “The way to get your needs met is to stop having needs.”  Or at least to stop having your own needs and internalize the needs of those who have power over you whether you like it or not.

The way to get your needs met, essentially, is to willingly cultivate Stockholm Syndrome in yourself.

 

Or, to look at this from a different angle:  I used to work retail.  I’m a very, very big woman.  Big bones, big body, very tall, loud voice, big energy.   I learned, as a performer, from a young age how to rivet a room and focus it on you while filling it with your voice and the world you were weaving with your song.

I have spent a great deal of my life (age 10 or so onwards) actively trying to make myself smaller.  Less intimidating.  “If I’m not threatening, no one will feel the need to hurt me.”  “If people aren’t frightened/intimidated/overwhelmed by me (my body, my presence, my ocean-strong emotions), they won’t get scared and run away.”

The rule was always: Never be Too Much, even when you *are* “tee-hee, too much!”  Be glitter, when other people are exposed to you.  Don’t be the billion-year intensity of diamonds.

You will blind them.  You will cut them as if they were glass.

 

 

And it occurs to me — occurred to me today, specifically (half an hour ago, even — apparently I don’t waste time when I can blog about something) — that this has been the approach I’ve been taking to dominance.

 

I’ve spent a year an a half trying to be containable even as I’ve been trying to learn how to contain.

 

No wonder it’s been such a struggle! O.O

 

 

I’ve been trying to be Safe Space by being accommodating, rather than by being/providing my Ghost’s boundaries and borders by setting limits and requirements upon her.

 

I’ve been trying to be Safe Space for her by making myself “safe”.  As in making myself “non-threatening” in the ways that I know how:  By making myself small and inconsequential.

 

And in this situation, in particular, that is the LAST thing I should be doing, and it won’t help me be what I need to be for her, OR to be what I’m capable of being qua my fullest self.

 

To get there, I had to let myself go all the way to the extreme other end of the mental(??) spectrum.  Rather than thinking of myself as inconsequential, I had to think of myself as a cosmos in and of myself.

 

I’ve felt that vastness inside me, the space and magnitude to contain another life, to be a universe.  I think this is the elusive “domme space” that I keep hearing about.

I’ve only experienced it for a couple of minutes, if that, and only twice since ~2009 (before-which I don’t think I’d experienced it at all, unless it was something like that which happened while I was performing).

 

 

It’s…  Look, the part of me that will never stop being a religious studies major (and a total theory-head) is REALLY able to get behind this.  The part of me that will never stop being a classically trained vocalist already knows (in some ways) how to do this.  I know how to make my body an axis mundi, I know I’m capable of carrying my own presence high in my body to the point where people around me get out of my way and/or stare when they see me coming (I’m not so good at doing this one at will, mind you).

The question for me is not (any more) “am I capable of this”.  It’s more along the lines of…

How do I get “me” and “Me” to exist simultaneously in the same head-space?  How do I exist in “domme space” 100% of the time, while still being able to be vulnerable with my servant, and be a Normal Human Being with people who aren’t part of our dynamic?

 

Suggestions, fyi, are very welcome on this one.

 

 

Cheers,

Ms Syren